For those of us who have retired (some for the second time) and are on a fixed income, the present economy can be stressful to the psyche and the checkbook. Not just to the retired, it can be stressful for everyone. I’ve read comments from others on various discussion groups about aging. There are those who are traveling and those who are doing various other things that can be expensive such as spas and makeovers, special makeup and procedures, gym memberships and workout equipment. I say go for it. Enjoy the life you have.
There are others who must watch their budgets carefully before deciding whether to schedule a haircut, whether they might indeed adopt a pet, or make a small trip. Some must even choose between medicines and food. This is always the way of life, but it becomes even harder at certain times. Internet and smartphones and tablets and laptops are relatively expensive, so I’m not sure they’re reading this blog. But when I write about spirit, they deserve to be remembered. If you or someone you love is facing this, calling 211 can connect you with local help such as meal programs and help paying for prescriptions, and the Eldercare Locator (1-800-677-1116 or eldercare.acl.gov) can point you to your local Area Agency on Aging and senior centers nearby.
For some, it’s not just a lack of funds, but maybe downsizing to a new neighborhood or losing a partner or spouse has resulted in loneliness. Today, so often, our children move a distance from their parents, which can leave them without a support group or isolated. Not only are children following the job market, but retiring friends may move nearer their children or go south to the sun, or other retirement locales. Each person and set of circumstances is different. I have no magic wand. I will say to those suffering this isolation and loneliness: consider the possibilities.
To the middle-aged children who are trying to care for or check in on aging parents while also going through some of the aging process themselves, the suggestions below are ideas you can use to support your parents and help get the ball rolling. Also, let’s face it, sometimes the middle-aged have some of the same issues after losing a spouse or finding their income diminished.
There are things you can do if you are lonely and/or on a limited income. Some things are free or minimal cost. I’d say a great source is your library. First, for wonderful books to read, but I realize that not everyone loves to read. They do offer audiobooks though. An additional reason to consider the library is for all the programs they offer – speakers, computers for the use of the public, genealogy resources, fax machines and copiers that may be used for a small fee. Mine offers tax assistance. My state has a library app that you download to your phone. You can check out books including audiobooks and all kinds of magazines for the price of a library card while sitting in your favorite easy chair. Every library is different, but check and see if you might have this service available. Our local community college has a beauty school where the public can get services at a greatly reduced price from advanced students who need practice.
Perhaps you are not a member of a church, but please check the websites of the churches in your area. They also have special-interest groups. At the church I attend we have a group that quilts, crochets and knits. There’s a group that likes to play mahjong. There’s a grief sharing group, and there is need for volunteers in many capacities. There are other nonprofits in most communities that welcome volunteers if you are physically able and would rather be doing something more active.
Consider book clubs and other groups that meet on a regular schedule. It’s a wonderful way to get out and form friendships. If you’re more housebound, can they come to you? I found during the COVID years that taking art classes by Zoom or YouTube was a wonderful outlet. I still occasionally do exercise classes and art classes on YouTube if I see something interesting. For those more mobile and adventurous, the National Parks offer a senior pass for $20.00 a year or $80.00 lifetime if you’re sixty-two or older and a U.S. citizen or permanent resident.
I hope I’ve suggested enough to get you thinking – especially if you’ve been feeling isolated and alone. Maybe start with exercise or a walk around your neighborhood if possible. You might meet a neighbor to exchange conversation. If you’re not inclined to just start a conversation with a stranger, I think volunteering is a good way to gradually meet others. I know the food bank and Habitat for Humanity here use volunteers. Movement has a wonderful way of lifting the spirit.
Those who may not have a budget problem may still deal with loneliness and loss of near and dear. I read that men often become more isolated as they age than women. The reason given was that their friend groups are made up of athletic groups – pickup basketball, golf, fishing trips. My husband liked kayaking. Those things take energy and some physical strength. As they age, one by one they give up these activities. My husband has lost a great many close friends over the last few years to diseases. It is hard and, unless you are a real extrovert, difficult to start over making friends. It is very difficult to lose the friends of many years and in some cases lifetime friends. Their loss leaves a vacuum and loneliness hard to fill.
Of course, this can slowly happen with women too. Women do tend to reach out and talk about problems more than men. So often one spouse or the other is left alone trying to manage a house and sort through the possessions of a lifetime unless they were proactive earlier. It’s very hard for one person to do all the jobs needed around a property. A friend who is active but of an impressive age mentioned what she had asked for on her birthday. Plans were in the works among her children to take her out.
Instead, she asked them to come over early in the afternoon and suggested several jobs that she needed done around the house – a reshuffling in the garage, programming her electric car, sorting through some books and music. She assigned jobs to the most appropriate person to do them – older grandchildren, sons and daughters. In exchange, she prepared a wonderful dinner for all.
It answered the need we have for help and the need we have to have those special people around us in our home. Our children are busy and often need real downtime. We were the same when we were their age. My mother-in-law often prepared a dinner – nice but simple – and invited us by to visit and share a meal.
This article is all about thinking and innovating. I’m no expert on aging. I’m doing it right alongside you. If you’d like to read more, this article from Simply Psychology looks at loneliness and aging, along with some ways to address it. Let’s not give up. Let’s look for other ways around our problems. Be loving, be kind, and look outward at what others are dealing with in life. Dig into that wisdom that a long life has taught you.